My Home Birth Story

“Only when we’re brave enough to explore the darkness will we discover the infinite power of our light.” — Brené Brown

This quote sums up my birth experience. My whole life, I have been afraid to be vulnerable—so obsessed with protecting, guarding, and going unseen. When I decided to have a home birth, I had no idea how vulnerable I would have to be. I have been changed by my birth, and here is my story.

My due date rolled around, and there were no signs of labor. I felt so good and couldn’t imagine this babe coming anytime soon. I stopped working and took the next week and a half to rest and enjoy days to myself.

On Wednesday the 15th, I started having contractions 30 minutes apart. This lasted all day Wednesday and Thursday. I was exhausted Thursday night and knew I needed to sleep if I was going to have the energy to bring my baby earthside.

On Friday at lunch, my contractions really kicked into high gear—every 5 minutes for hours. My birth team really thought my baby would make a debut that night. We filled the birth pool and I got in. It was so warm and relaxing that my contractions stopped. I got out and labored some more. My groans grew louder and more weary. It was now 2 a.m., and I was unsure if I could continue. I was so tired, and I felt like baby was not engaged or progressing.

I got checked to see how things were going, and to my surprise, my water had not broken. I was convinced it had broken on Wednesday. Around 3:00 a.m., they broke my water, and contractions really started to amp up again. Feeling discouraged and scared, I was really losing hope that this babe would come naturally. He seemed stuck.

Luckily, I had a great team, and they helped me get into positions to help Brooks move. I pushed as hard as humanly possible for almost 2 hours. At 5:37 a.m.… to our surprise, we not only saw a head, but a little hand come out at the same time. Brooks had his head tilted with his little hand up at his face. It was the worst pain, followed by the most relief.

I picked my baby off of the bedroom floor and stared up at my husband, who had tears in his eyes. I’ve never seen him cry in the 6 years we have been together. He said, “We did it, babe.” Yes, we did.

I was vulnerable—naked, shaking, bleeding, and seen. Since my birth, I have laughed more, cried more, and felt more comfortable in my body than I ever have. It was the darkest time that brought about the biggest light. I’m so in love with my baby boy.